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Question of the Week 01/08/03: Now that Al Gore has declared that his isn't going to run for president in the next election, we want to know:WHAT'S AL GORE GOING TO DO NEXT? He's starring with Don Johnson in the exciting new drama, "Miami Vice President." "These 24 women have been told that they are going to spend the next month with a handsome, wealthy, ex-president. But there's something we aren't telling them…" He's planning to build a time machine so that he can travel back to the past and campaign for Strom Thurmond. Two words: Hokey. Pokey. Take the place of the late Sir Richard Harris in the next Harry Potter film, starring as Albus Dumblegore. He'll be playing the part of Vice-Emperor Jar-Jar in the next Star Wars movie. Sit on the couch, eat junk food, emit some greenhouse gases... Why doesn't he find a cure for AIDS? People are still dying of AIDS, you know. Well, he's hoping to get some big news from Wizards of the Coast this week… The Time Warp. And then off to his home planet as the dead republicans around him writhe in steam and sing a touching rendition of Superheroes. He's finally going to get serious about his mission: Kill John Connor. Bob Dole's already got Viagra and Pepsi covered, so I guess he'll flack for Prozac and Coke. He's a robotic former vice-president. She's an undead bunny with a pancake on her head. They fight crime! Get back to counting hanging chads, of course. I'm telling you, he can still win this thing! Al is going to gather together the most well-educated norse women, and train them into a crack unit of problem solving prowess. Without heavy clothes to distract them, they will be. . . . THE SWEDISH BIKINI SCIENTISTS!!! Coming soon to save your community from imminent disaster. NB: The Swedish Bikini Scientists are, by contract, celebate and always remain clothed in bikinis while in public. Imagine Charlies' Angels, only instead of angels you have female Swedish scientists in bikinis, and instead of Charlie you have Al Gore. Take some personal time in his own private Lock Box. Crank call Mrs. Cheney, asking if she's ever had Dick in an "undisclosed location" Well, he said that he wouldn't run for PRESIDENT, but he didn't say anything about VICE-president. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride… Well, if he can just get the road-runner to eat those steel pellets, he's got this enormous ACME electro-magnet… Don't you think it's about time for a new James Bond? Brosnan is looking a little long in the tooth… I hear that he's on the anticipated new reality show Survivor: DC with Marion Berry, John Hinckley, Rita Jenrette, Checkers and Reagan's Brain (in a tank!) Run for president, of course. Duh. Permanent replacement for Whoopi Goldberg as center square on "Hollywood Squares 2" A pound of cheap trucker crank. He's gonna live up to his name, takin' down everyone in his home state who voted for Bush in what will be known as Gorefest: Tennessee Spree! TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WOR--no, wait... that's not going to work here, is it? He's using "Forrest Gump" technology to digitally insert himself into every press shot he can find. Serve as the host of the exciting new game show, "The Gore-dian Knot." Really wants to save universe, but not enough to hang out with Gary Gygax. I mean, really! After making a funny episode of SNL, what else is left to accomplish? He's going to start balancing pastries on his head. Someone's got to take over for Oolong… Take Tipper and Flipper to see the Gipper. That voodoo that he do so well. I just hope he can now do all of his french-kissing of Tipper behind closed doors. He's going to appear in the next Star Trek movie as Data's eviler twin, Gore. Will defeat John Marvolo Ashcroft in his Chamber of Total Information Awareness Dumping Tipper for Bonnie Hunt He's actually joining the cast of SNL next season, in place of the departing Jimmy Fallon. He and Tipper are going to "accidentally" release a private video, a la Pamela and Tommy Lee. They will use it to prove that the media has gone too far. . . and all of America will agree. He's going to follow up his recent SNL appearance by stalking John McCain, doing whatever else he does first. Same thing he does every year: Do WHATEVER is necessary to win. Of course, this time he's just trying to win the Gore family playoff pool. Still, a recount is probably in order. Prank call those snobby electors. Pay the $200,000 to be cloned by Clonaid. Return to politics in 2048. Finally track down that damn kid who keeps calling to ask if he's got "Prince Albert in a Can." <Func1:Diag>ElectionProb=.003 <Func2:RestartSubRout>PublicLife <Func3:Eval(Happiness)>Submedian <Func4:Exec>PowerDown Starring in a new FOX reality show - "Al Politician". Fifty beautiful women are conned into believing that he really is running for President. MSNBC presents: THE GORES. An hour-long insiders look at everything that happens in the home of Al and Tipper. Who says you have to be foul mouthed, drug-addled, and interesting to be the subject of a successful reality television series? breast implants... just for the hell of it Tip Tipper. Revive and host The Ed Sullivan Show. Write a sequel to his book: _Joined at the Hips_, about the origins of the American family. Finally take the family to a Prince concert, now that Tipper's apparently unclenched... His own puppet show FRANKENGORE - for Hammer Films Male model for California Muscle.com Combining the Western/sci-fi genres by "re-visualizing" the role of "Rooster Cogburn 2010" Accepting the chancellorship for that Learn To Draw By Mail matchbook school Playing the power behind the scenes in "Matrix Reloaded" Wrestling under the name of DefCon Gore Playing Ashton Kutcher's real dad on "That 70s Show" Re-organizing his collection of Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars Writing angry letters to Toys 'R' Us, pointing out the fact that since giraffes have no voiceboxes, they cannot be company spokesmen! Join Bill Clinton in his bid to replace Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. Hey, you take it where you can get it. Reunite his band, The Al Gore Rhythms *And in case you'd forgotten about that whole "inventing the internet" thing…" Given his reputation as a brilliant inventor (you know, that Internet thing), I think he's a natural to star in Macguyer: The Next Generation. Idling away the day on the Internet while wearing only his underwear and muttering "I invented this" over and over Invent a second business model that WORKS on the Internet. After he invented porn on the Internet, it's all been downhill... Invent a new internet, one where censorship reigns supreme. Invent Internet2. He's going to get his own reality TV show based on his life showing through flashbacks how he was the true inventor of the Internet. Maybe invent another Internet or two. Invent the QUESTION OF THE WEEK!
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